Clarkson on: convertibles

THERE’S NOTHING quite like top-down driving: the wind in your hair, the sun on your back … but, according to Jeremy Clarkson, unless you’re young and good-looking or a lady who lunches, you will look an idiot. And don’t get him started on structural rigidity.

“There is a rule we devised on Top Gear. Once you are past the age of 27, you can drive alfresco only when it is safe to drive naked. In other words, when no one is looking. Because if people are looking, they will laugh at you.”
InGear, October 1, 2011 (subscription may be required)

“If a grown man drives around with the top down, he looks like the central character in an advertisement for Viagra.”
InGear, June 29, 2012 (subscription may be required)

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“It’d be a good test of Wayne Rooney’s new barnet, the [Mercedes SLS] roadster, because my God it’s fast. And with the roof down it feels almost ridiculous.”
InGear, September 25, 2011 (subscription may be required)

“You may think, as you cruise about in your convertible, that you look good. But unless you are Angelina Jolie, or Pierce Brosnan, which you are not, I can assure you that actually you look like a tool.”
InGear, October 1, 2011 (subscription may be required)

“Many people imagine when they rent a convertible in America that they’ll be thumping down Highway 1 under a blazing sky in a throbbing Corvette or an evocative Mustang … Sadly, however, most tourists end up with a Chrysler Sebring convertible, which is almost certainly the worst car in the entire world.”
InGear, October 5, 2008 (subscription may be required)

“Wind … messes up a girl’s hair. This is a fact. Every girl I know loves the idea of driving with the roof down, but after just a few moments every single one wants to put it up again.”
InGear, October 1, 2011 (subscription may be required)

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“If you remove the roof from a sports car, you are … reducing its structural rigidity. If you attempt to mask that with underfloor strengthening beams, you are adding weight. Which means that you don’t end up with a sports car at all. A Porsche cabriolet, then, is a bit like an afghan hound that’s gone bald. It’s still an afghan hound but the point has been somewhat lost.”
InGear, June 29, 2012 (subscription may be required)

“Taking the roof off a car such as this [Porsche 911 Carrera] is like adding HP Sauce to a quail’s egg. It adds to the tang but you lose the delicacy.”
InGear, July 15, 2012 

“We buy more convertibles in Britain than any other country in Europe. And we are certainly the only country where you will find people going to work dressed as Scott of the Antarctic simply so they can get the roof down. We are all mad.”
InGear, October 1, 2011 (subscription may be required)

“The new Mercedes SLS roadster … comes with a bonnet that seems to cover a slightly larger area than Wyoming. You have a sense that you could have a huge accident and simply not know about it for a week or two.”
InGear, September 25, 2011 (subscription may be required)

“The most interesting thing about ladies who lunch … is the cars in which they drive home afterwards. They are always German. They are always clean. And they are always convertibles.”
InGear, July 11, 2010 (subscription may be required)

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